The Most Profound Question

This about sums it up for me today. Enjoy! :)

Friday Fill-Ins, Goddess Edition

I'm feeling particularly close to the Goddess this morning, so I'll weave that into my fill-ins this week.


1. She had a great idea, creating so much variety in the Universe to choose from. What Joy to look around, pick what we like, and pull it into our existance.

2. The Goddess is by my side, always. (Well, I actually believe in the concept that we're all One, including the Divine - all aspects and focuses of the same All. But close enough.)

3. I know this: There is only Joy and Bliss moving through me - the only time I suffer is when I block the stream, when I resist the light. There is no "darkness switch" which can be turned on. Just the light switch that I cover up. Probably with duct tape because, you know, I use that for everything else. (oh c'mon, you didn't think I could be all philosophical and not throw some wit in there, did you?)

4. Be still. At least sometimes, for a few moments here and there. It's much harder than you think, Being Still. Wonderfully beneficial however.

5. These words apply to me: dreamer, seeker, thinker, creator, lover. Goofball fits in there somewhere I'm sure.

6. Yea, though I walked through the valley of being-stuck-in-my-own-anxiety, I discovered friends who love unconditionally and a Goddess who is always ready with Hope and Love when I get quiet and open, and I looked out through my safe-made bars on the window and lo, the sun was shining.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to devouring my new library books, tomorrow my plans include laundry, packing and repacking (and possibly coffee with friends), and Sunday, I want to board a huge cruise ship, finding all the Joy and Bliss that is available for me there, and have a magical trip with my beloved family!

As our cruise departure looms closer, my anxiety about the whole thing rises. Since it's just about all I can think about lately, I figure I might as well blog about it and maybe diffuse the emotions. Therefore, here are 13 things that have me anxious about our cruise:

1. The dress code. I just *hate* going anywhere that has say over what I wear on my body. Maybe it's a rebellion thing leftover from my youth, when mom and I disagreed constantly over what I wore. In any case, I'm having bad dreams about showing up to dinner dressed inappropriately.

2. Being trapped on a boat on the ocean. This is totally freaking me out. We're on water, far from land and I *cannot* *leave*. Unless I want to dive into the drink, anyway. Would I want to leave? Maybe not. But I *can't* even if I wanted to, and that just makes me nervous as hell.

3. Having small beds for four not-small people. Two twin beds. Oh yeah, that's gonna work out beautifully. There is a couch - where I envision myself sleeping. I hope it's a comfortable one.

4. The uncertainty of things to do for the kids. Everyone keeps saying how much fun the kids will have, how there is *so* much to do. But everyone keeps forgetting that my kids don't generally enjoy the same activities that other typical kids enjoy - or their high-strung natures make it very difficult for them to do so, anyway. Movies? They can't be quiet enough to watch one with other people. Group kid activities? They don't do so well in groups of children without *major* supervision. Which puts me in the kid's area supervising them. How relaxing.

5. The total lack of anticipated relaxation. Most people go on a cruise to have fun, yes, but also to *relax*. I cannot see where relaxation is going to be in the cards for me on this trip. I see lots and lots of child management, in an unfamiliar environment. That we're *trapped on*. Did I mention that part yet? Oh yes, I did.

6. Seasickness. I've only ever been on small boats, but they don't agree with me. I'm going to be on this boat nearly 24/7 for 5 or so days. Sleeping on it, even. Oh my.

7. Eric's family. Okay, don't get me wrong, I really really love my in-laws and all the other people in his family. I do. But they all intimidate the hell out of me. Whew! There, I said it. I'm the uneducated, stay-at-home mom who doesn't share hardly any interests with them and therefore has a tough time making conversation. I always feel that whatever I *do* say comes out wrong, or wasn't quite appropriate. Not to mention that they are a tight-knit group - which is great, I don't resent it or anything! But it's...uncomfortable for me.

8. Laundry. This seems like a ridiculous one, but when you see the few clothes we have, and the fact that the kids and I are not the neatest people (i.e. we spill stuff alot), this becomes an issue. There are no self-laundry facilities on the ship. Oh, they'll do your laundry for you, for a fee. I shudder to think what the fee *is*.

9. Passports. Eric has one. The kids and I do not. By the time I finally received my birth certificate (which for whatever reason I didn't have), it was too late to get a passport without a 'rush' fee, which I wasn't willing to pay. They aren't required for the trip (I've checked about a dozen times to be sure), but I worry about those 'what if' situations where we'll be screwed without one.

10. Joshua's behavior. This little guy has been a real pill lately, pushing the limits of what is acceptable to the breaking point over and over. We are regularly leaving fun locations/activities because he cannot follow the rules (which are always safety/respect of others based). I have this vision of me sitting in the stateroom with him for 5 days, playing DS and whatever travel games we have.

11. Drew's anxiety. Anything out of the ordinary brings Drew to a high pitch of nerves, even if the new thing is wonderful and something he really wants. Disneyworld was so fun, but he fell apart *a lot*. I'd think that this will be a similar situation. Which puts me in the stateroom with *both* kids, playing DS and whatever travel games we have.

12. My hair. Yeah, okay, I'm getting down to the last two of the thirteen and these are little things. But my hair color is making me so sad. It was this lovely burgundy that was fun and unique and I loved it. Then I tried to highlight it - ye gods! Bad idea. Then I covered the disaster with dark brown, which helped and got me through the wedding I was in last weekend. But now it's....odd looking. Brownish reddish with odd highlights poking through in places. *sigh* I can't professionally fix it, and I'm rather scared to mess with it myself. Long term is to grow the color out (easy for me since I keep it so short) and start over. It'll still look blah for the cruise, though.

13. Our cats. They're accustomed to spending the better part of each day outside, then we bring them in at night. But they'll be cooped up in the house for a week, and although this certainly won't kill them, they won't be happy. We have friends coming a few times to top off water and food, clean the boxes, and play with them (if the cats venture out to play). So they won't be abandoned. Just sad.


Wow, it's so unlike me to be so negative, but I do feel rather better having written it out. The anxiousness is still there, but not as severe. Eh, if nothing else, it'll be over in a week or so and I can go back to my super-casual-familiar-environment-have-total-control-and-leave-whenever-I-want life. :)

Friday Fill-Ins

I've been an absent blogger for quite some time, my apologies. June has been a busy month! Which seems to suggest that I would have lots to blog about, if only I took the time to pull it into a coherent post.

Since that isn't happening anytime soon, here's a Friday Fill-In to at least fill this empty space...



1. All children alarm their parents, if only because you are forever expecting the unexpected.

2. Show me a good loser and I will show you a person who has their life's energies going in the right direction.

3. Drinking on Saturday night at the camping trip is like eating an entire box of chocolate liqueurs at one time.

4. Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy living their lives and hopefully enjoying themselves. (I don't talk politics, so I can't come up with a witty response for this one!)

5. I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine beauty cream and creamed corn. (actually, I've never heard anyone ask about that...)

6. It is impossible to think of any good meal, no matter how plain or elegant, without butter or salt in it.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to going to bed very very early, tomorrow my plans include being in Karin's wedding and Sunday, I want to sleep, sleep, sleep!